A Pale Blanket
a pale blanket
and a rusted blanket:
the harbour
and the clouds
in the time from Milsons Point
to Wynyard
the rust turns to lead
it was light out when I left
and in the last bit of brightness
I flew out into the yellow sky
my thoughts
missed their stop
Critiques
Name: ARJ
Email: roceal@jngm.net
Insight:
Thanks for the feedback, sami. Actually that's the idea. These aren't supposed to be good, they're just meant to keep the little hamster wheel turning while I'm riding home on the train. Maybe some will get reworked into something more polished.
Copyright © 2003 Andrea Roceal James
Name: sami
Email: sami5001@gmail.com
Insight:
well, i've seen better poems... i'd say the words could be changed a bit perhaps!