Browngirl

go away, Brown Girl,
out of my reflection.
that ugly, crooked smile of yours
and i'm wishing
i'm invisible now.

who let you peek out?
i'll go running in a Green Field,
open up the cage of my ribs
and let out
the Butterflies.

get out of here, Brown Girl,
away from my looking glass.
those ugly, crooked eyes of yours
watching me
and knowing.

who introduced us?
i'll be free of you,
open up the door of my ribs:
you'll see how Beautiful
my veins can be
without you.

i'll shake off your creeping Fingers,
fetid breath in my ear.
you can't hold me so tight
if i sit in the Sun.
i'll go running in a Green Field,
and let out my memories
like Butterflies.

Critiques

Name: shanna j

Email: myshanna2@yahoo.com

Insight:

Hi Andrea,
This is Shanna in Walla Walla, Washington. Not to be confused with Walla Walla, Australia.:)It's after ten at night, and I have been searching through vintage jewelry websites. Something in my search led to your site, a serendipity, I think.
I'm too tired to wax eloquently, but want to let you know I have appreciated being able to read your work. The "pattern of birds" and "L'homme de l'hotel..." pieces are good reads. This poem, as well.
I am a sometime amateur poet, and have gotten up the nerve to read several times at local poetry events. Must say that putting your work out there can be a challenge, but rewarding.

Somtime when I am more with it, I'll look you up again and read with a more ready ear. You probably want actual worthwhile feedback, which I am in short supply of tonight.
Saw your note about living in Washington for awhile. Where? In Walla Walla, we had our first real snow two days ago. An inch and a half, but it's melted since.

Until later, peace. Shanna

Name: ARJ

Email: roceal@jngm.net

Insight:

Shanna,

Thanks so much for the general kudos. I'll also take any other feedback you have to fan my flagging writing discipline (the desire is there, but not so much the time/enthusiasm). It always surprises me how-- just when I seem to have completely forgotten to write-- someone randomly shows up around here and says something, even in the smallest way, that seems to encourage me to keep going. I'd love to see some of your work as well (if you're inclined to share it).

I went to UPS in Tacoma for 4 years and afterward lived in Oak Harbor (Whidbey Island) and then Bellingham.