Japanse New-Girl Monkey Network
Almost Shipshape
Some people dedicate a day's worth of posts to things piratey, and then continue on blogging about the same ol' stuff as usual. Tourists and amateurs, all of them!
I, on the other hand, have the dedication of a true professional pirate, and no matter how tired or lame or gimmicky it gets, I vow to continue posting about my quest to attain pirate captaincy.
Besides, I actually got three scurvy-ridden backstabbers crazy enough to want to answer "Aye, aye!" to me! So without further ado, I present my scurrilous crew of buccaneers.
- First Mate: Salty Steve
This old sea-dog has been the scourge of the seven seas since before I was a glimmer in my father's eye. Which is him. Why I get to be the captain when he's the dad, I don't know, but if his cabin is messy or his bunk is disorderly, I'm gonna nag him about it. And then make him walk the plank.
Salty Steve says: "Aaaarrrggh and avast. I'll make my mark in blood and sail with ye anywhere there by booty to gain. Aaaarrgh.
- Ship's DJ: William the Ripper aka Burnin' Bill
Even though it's really copyright infringement and not "piracy" per se, Burnin' Bill likes to extend his larcenous ways to the dark and nebulous waters of intellectual property rights.
As he states in his own words: "Me pirate qualifications include downloadin' MP3s and MPEGs o'copystarboarded... err righted materials from t'internet, so you'd best snap me up before t'RIAA comes callin' and keelhauls me!"
- Crewman / Bag Boy: Jarrod the Keelhaul Killer aka Jackknifin' Jarrod aka Betty the Hooker (The result of a drunken night in port. Don't ask.)
Because every pirate needs more keelhaulin'. And the next time we plunder a Trader Joe's we could really use some help packing everything nicely away as we make off with the loot.
Jarrod's pirate wisdom: "Where there be me, I be there with me, because on the sea, I be with me, who be with ye...ah, screw it, I'm here."
Only a few more pox-ridden scallawags and we'll have a full crew, to sail on my beautiful schooner The Saucy Siren and plague and pillage Carnival Cruise Ships. Arrrgh! Me buckos, buckle on your swashes, for we shall drink rum and find buried treasure on deserted islands, and even the Coast Guard shall fear the sight of The Saucy Siren set sail. With me as your dastardly Pirate Queen, how can we fail? Trim the mainsheet and set her into the wind! Email me now for permission to come aboard!
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